There was a businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business

trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he'd try to

get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn't

much like the idea of her screwing someone else. So he went to a store

that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a

life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was

browsing through the dildos, for something special to please his wife, and

started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his

situation.

The old man said, "Well, I don't really know of anything that will do the

trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don't

know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except . . . " and

he stopped.

"Except what?" the man asked.

"Nothing, nothing."

"C'mon, tell me! I need something!"

"Well sir, I don't usually mention this, but there is the voodoo dildo."

"So what's this voodoo dildo?" he asked.

The old man reached under the counter and pulled out an old wooden box

carved with strange symbols. He opened it and there lay a very

ordinary-looking dildo.

The businessman laughed, and said, "Big fucking deal. It looks like every

other dildo in this shop!"

The old man replied, "But you haven't seen what it does do yet." He pointed

to a door and said, "Voodoo dildo, the door." The voodoo dildo rose out of

its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The

whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the

middle.

Before the door could split, the old man said, "Voodoo dildo, go back in your

box!" The voodoo dildo stopped, floated back to the box and rested there

quietly once more.

"I'll take it!" said the businessman.

The old man resisted, saying it wasn't for sale, but he finally surrendered

to $700 in cash.

The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that

to use it, all she had to do was say, "Voodoo dildo, my pussy."

He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone.

After he'd been gone a few days, his wife was unbearably horny. She thought

of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered

the voodoo dildo. She got it out, and said, "Voodoo dildo, in my pussy!" The

voodoo dildo shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great, like

nothing she'd ever experienced before.

After three orgasms, she decided she'd had enough, and tried to pull it out,

but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it

out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgotten to tell her how to shut

it off. So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help.

She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the hospital,

quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another orgasm nearly

made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He

asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink. Gasping

and twitching, she explained that she hadn't been drinking, but that a

voodoo dildo was stuck in her pussy, and wouldn't stop screwing.

The officer looked at her for a second, and then said, "Yeah right, Voodoo

dildo in my ass!"